It's been two months...I am still so very, very lost.
I miss you Noah.
On September 21/05 we were blessed with a beautiful son. Born with a chromosome 12q deletion (q15q21.2), the challenges were many...cleft lip/palate, complex feeding issues, developmental delays, failure to thrive, multiple infections, blood clots, asthma, sleep apnea, GI and pulmonary bleeds, TPN dependency and kidney issues. Noah embraced life and taught us how to love. On July 29/09, Noah's journey ended, leaving us on a new journey...this journey on the pathway of grief...
Four years ago today, we welcomed our son into this world, knowing that time was a precious commodity with Noah. What a miraculous day that was! His tiny, fragile body struggled from day 1 and we worried and wondered. If we had known on that day, that we would have almost 4 years with Noah, we probably would have rejoiced. Now we know that 4 years was not nearly enough time. That those years would be gone in the blink of an eye...and we'd be left behind in this state of bewilderment, wondering how this could have possibly happened.
And so we struggled with what to do with today. How do you begin to acknowledge this day...the day that marks the first day we met our son. For it still needs to be remembered and celebrated.
In the end, we opted for a pretty low key day. After school, we went out to the cemetery. Although I had hoped to stay there longer, the weather did not cooperate. How fitting though, that it was a dreary, drizzly day. It would have felt very wrong if the sun had shone today. We each wrote Noah a special birthday message, attached them to four balloons and released them to heaven...
We picked up Charlie on friday and already he has been very therapeutic for us all and is keeping us busy. The kids love having him to dote on. This never would have been possible with Noah, but I can't help imagining how much Noah would have loved this little guy and what fun they would have had!
It's been 7 weeks today...how is that even possible???