Another first...
Christmas without Noah...
What can I say...
Unfortunately, we do not have many good Christmas memories with Noah. Most of the holidays were spent either in hospital, or things were heading in that direction. By the time New Years rolled around, we were always inpatient. The holidays have been stressful times over the past few years, last year being the worst. And so this year we can be thankful...thankful that Noah does not need to lie in an ICU bed for Christmas...that he is free to celebrate...what could be better than Christmas in heaven??
And yet, selfishly, I desperately long to be sitting in that ICU room...I would give up a thousand more Christmases...for then our boy would still be alive. Everything we do without Noah feels hollow and empty. I imagine it will always be that way...as a part of me will forever be missing on this earth.
Merry Christmas my sweet boy. I miss you so much...everyday.
On September 21/05 we were blessed with a beautiful son. Born with a chromosome 12q deletion (q15q21.2), the challenges were many...cleft lip/palate, complex feeding issues, developmental delays, failure to thrive, multiple infections, blood clots, asthma, sleep apnea, GI and pulmonary bleeds, TPN dependency and kidney issues. Noah embraced life and taught us how to love. On July 29/09, Noah's journey ended, leaving us on a new journey...this journey on the pathway of grief...
About Me
- Nichole
- I am mom to 3 beautiful children. I also work casual as a nurse. Our life is a crazy one, and nothing like we ever expected it would be. Yet, this journey has changed me and the way I view others. And it has helped us slow down and enjoy the most precious things in life. I wouldn't trade those lessons for anything.
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9 comments:
Merry Christmas Noah.
I pray that one day God will fill your heart and it won't feel so hollow... you'll instead feel the love you had for Noah in your heart and his love for you and the love you have for the rest of your family and them for you.
I am so glad that you have so many people to keep the faith for you when it might be too difficult for you to hold it yourself. I will keep praying for you too.
Nearly those exact words were spoken a month or so ago by a good friend who lost a child nearly forty years ago. Forever on earth a part of you will be up in heaven. He is missed. Even by those of us that only knew him virtually or just met him once.
We love u guys and pray for you every single day!
praying for you and missing noah's smile too
I want to wish you a Happy Birthday today.Although it has been 5 months today that Noah is gone, I pray your day will still be special for you in its own way. It seems like yesterday you were born, and I know you also will always remember Noah's birth, and wonder, what if? You are in our prayers today. We love you. Mom
Oh Nichole - I wish I could make it better for you. Noah is very missed, and forever loved. I can only imagine the empty place in your heart where Noah fits...continue prayers for you, especially today as you mark 5 months without Noah. But, like your mom said, it is your birthday and today I celebrate you...very thankful that God placed you in my life when He did...Love you,
Happy Birthday, Nichole! We missed seeing all of you at Christmas. It felt very strange being away from home and family, snow and cold. We pray that you will be able to celebrate this day with the family you still have here with you and enjoy it. Love and Prayers, Mom L.
Oh Nichole, I can't imagine what these five months have been like for you. I never met Noah yet I miss him...I miss seeing all your posts with his pictures and his adorable smiling face! My prayers are always with you guys. God Bless Noah up in Heaven and a belated Happy Birthday to you!
Hugs!
beth (MouseTriper)
Azlan says "merry cississ Noah" XOXO
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