Monday, April 01, 2013

Easter 2013

Holidays are always bittersweet days, no matter how many we have celebrated since Noah has been gone. But it was a beautiful day of celebration. Although we were unable to celebrate with family, we enjoyed a beautiful church service with our new church family and then spent the rest of the day volunteering at Give Kids The World. What better way to celebrate this holiday than serving dinner to the beautiful children and their families! It was a wonderful experience.

I love Easter and everything it represents to us. As I got out the kids Easter baskets, and looked at Noah's empty basket, I was reminded of the empty tomb...of the reason we celebrate this holiday.

Death you have not won!


Through the sorrow I can take joy in knowing that this is NOT the end.

The best is yet to come!!

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Brand New Chapter

It has been far too long since I have written here. I have been pondering the idea for a while of closing this blog and perhaps starting something new. However, this journey that we are on, all began with this amazing little boy, and although he is no longer with us, it still seems fitting for now that I continue to write here.

We have officially made the big move to Orlando. After tearful goodbyes to many precious friends and memories, we packed up the trailer and arrived here mid August. We were immediately welcomed with open arms by an amazing church (who literally showed up on our doorstep, fed us, unloaded the entire trailer, and put together furniture) and wonderful neighbors (who came by with cookies, and invited Kailyn to a sleepover on our second night here). Yes, from the very moment we arrived, we felt very blessed to be here. We literally picked this house off the internet, sight unseen, and hoped for the best. We couldn't have asked for a better community to be placed in. God's hand was obviously in it all and although we are still adjusting and missing our friends and family, we are quite happy here. 

We took some time to settle into our wonderful new house, do some volunteering at Give Kids The World, and then took a couple of weeks off to enjoy some Disney vacation. After putting it off as long as possible, we finally enrolled the kids into school. We hope to get into more of a routine of volunteering in the next few weeks.

Joshua is in grade 5 at the elementary school, which is very close to us, and reminds me very much of our school back in La Salle. He was assigned a fabulous teacher and much to our surprise, settled in almost immediately. He has made some close friends who happen to live just down the street and he is able to bike to school with them each day. Although the mountains of homework he brings home each evening are not fun, he is enjoying his school year. He is slowly developing his confidence and I am really enjoying watching him flourish here. 

Kailyn, on the other hand, has had a very different school experience. She entered the middle school system (grade 7) which was completely overwhelming for her. The first week brought many tears as she struggled to try and make friends, adjust to the HUGE school and adapt to a whole new school system. She is my strong, independent spirit, who usually excels in situations such as these, however this has been a real challenge. I was uncomfortable with the school from the moment we set foot in it. It was overwhelming even for me and I felt like I had absolutely no idea what was going on there. 

Meanwhile, as she was struggling at school, Kailyn began connecting with the girls in the church youth group, all of whom are homeschooled (homeschooling is very popular here in Florida). And suddenly it seemed as if we had been plunged this brand new world of homeschooling. Everywhere we looked, we were surrounded with homeschooling families who have made it work for them and have these beautiful, happy, well adjusted kids! It's an idea that I had been mulling about in my head for a while, even before the kids started idea that I never thought I would consider, and anyone who knows me well, knows what I used to think about homeschooling. I was never against the idea, and thought it was fine for others, but I definately never thought it would be for our family. I used to be one of those moms who couldn't wait for school to begin, and I cherished the time I had when they were out of the house. But our family has grown and changed so much since Noah's death, and I have come to enjoy my children so much and truly cherish the time I have with them. I also now suddenly find myself without a job and alot of free time, searching for a new purpose to my days. And the more I have thought about it and prayed it over, the more homeschooling just makes perfect sense for our family, and especially for our Kailyn who has such a heart and passion to serve at Give Kids the World. Homeschooling will give us the freedom and flexibility to spend time serving and and the same time, allow us to teach our children meaningful life lessons and instill our Christian values into their hearts and minds. 

And so tomorrow, our family will begin a brand new chapter in the journey, as we are withdrawing Kailyn from the public school system and officially starting homeschooling. We have registered with an online umbrella school (Homelife Academy) in order to make it simpler to abide by Florida state laws and give me some guidance. We will be using ACE PACES (an independent Biblically based workbook style curriculum...perfect for my independent daughter!) She will get lots of social interaction through church and youth group, as well as with other activities with other homeschooled kids. Kailyn is thrilled, and has already spent the entire weekend working on her assignments. Joshua will continue in the public school for this year as he is settled there and I think it's important for him to solidify the friendships he has made. However, since this is his last year in the elementary school, next year the plan is to homeschool both of them.

It really is crazy to think that we are here...sometimes I have to just take a moment to look around and take it all so much has happened in a few short years to lead us to this place in our from ashes...

We still miss our little Noah so very much...not a day goes by that I don't ache to have him in my arms. We celebrated what would have been his 7th birthday last Friday. I missed being able to visit his grave that day. Although I have never spent a lot of time there, there is something comforting about having a tangible place to go and visit. Instead, we enjoyed angel food cake, and envisioned Noah enjoying his special cake and dancing with the angels. Can't wait to dance with you my little man!!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

3 Years

Remembering today...and everyday. It is hard to wrap my head around the fact that it's been 3 years. Seems like only yesterday, and yet so long ago all at the same time.

My little continue to be my inspiration to have the courage to step out of my comfort zone and make a difference. How very blessed I am to have had you in my life. Miss you so very much.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Watch Out Florida...Here We Come!

Our US visas have been officially approved!! We are excited to begin preparing for a move to Florida in mid August and look forward to devoting our time to Give Kids The World. The move will be bittersweet as we leave behind so many wonderful friends and family, and so many precious memories in this place. But we are ready for this change and look forward to making a difference. Next big hurdle is selling our home, and looking for a new home, but we continue to trust in Him for all the details. Noah, you have inspired us to dream big and have the courage to make those dreams a reality. Because of you we will live life to the fullest with no regrets. This is for you my sunny boy!!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mothers Day 2012

Mothers day will always be a difficult day. There is just no getting around it. I miss my Noah each and every day, but today is especially tough. When everything is focused on the relationships between mothers and their children, I am even more aware of everything that this day, or any other day, can never be.

Thank you to my wonderful hubby for putting together this beautiful video for me today...

Longing for my son...

Friday, April 06, 2012

"All I know is I'm not home yet.
This is not where I belong.
Take this world and give me Jesus.
This is not where I belong."

Easter...a holiday filled with such hope and promise always brings me to tears. The little white basket sits empty...another holiday without Noah. I miss him so very heart aches to hold see him one more time. The longing can be so overwhelming. But the promise of the cross fills me with hope.

This life is fleeting...temporary...One day I will be home.

I can hardly wait...

Tuesday, February 28, 2012


This has been a difficult post to write, as I am having trouble putting into words what this means to me. Once again, our Noah has been honored in a very special way, by people who mean more to me than they will ever know.Very recently a beautiful new space opened up at the Assiniboine Park, called the Qualico Family Centre. There is a pathway in front of the centre, where memory stones could be purchased.The staff of CH5 thoughtfully purchased a stone in memory of Noah...

One word...cherished...We are so touched by this very special gift. Words cannot express how it warms my heart to know that Noah was loved by the staff that came to mean so much to us.

Thank you CH5!! Thank you for this wonderful gift. Thank you for treating our family like your family. Thank you for caring for me and helping me through many lonely days and nights. Thank you for caring for our Noah so well.

Thank you for cherishing our son.

Wednesday, February 01, 2012


It's been a long time since I've posted here. Life has been busy and full. And lately, I no longer seem to know what to write here. My grief has become much more private. That doesn't mean that I don't still grieve. I still grieve...I will live the rest of my life grieving. Not a day goes by where I don't think about Noah, and how I desperately wish he was still here on earth with us. No matter how much "simpler" our lives may be now, or how much freedom we have to do the things we've always wanted to do, I would give it all up for one more more cuddle. It helps to know that others still care...that his legacy lives on today. This past week, our family was blessed with a most incredible gift. A couple of months ago, an online scrapbooking group called the Mousescrappers contacted me. They had been touched by Noah's story, and wanted to make a digital scrapbook of our wishtrip to help us preserve those precious memories. Of course, I was very excited and eagerly said "yes", so they worked with me to gather all our pictures and help me journal and organize our memories. Over 40 people worked on this project and somehow they turned our precious memories into something amazing!! It ended up turning into such a huge project, that the group made us 2 books as they could not fit it all into one. Needless to say, the books turned out FABULOUS!!! They are so much more than I ever imagined they would be and we are so thrilled with them! I wish I could put into words what this means to me. I can never thank them enough for tackling this project that I was too overwhelmed to ever attempt to do myself. Thank you so much Mousescrappers!! You are all so incredibly talented and this means more to us than you will ever know! I am so thankful to have our memories preserved in such a beautiful way. We have had such a great time going through the books and reliving those precious moments together. I can't wait to show the books off to everyone!!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


Somehow summer has disappeared and fall has quietly crept up on me, bringing with it this day once again. 6 years ago today we were given a most precious gift and I will always look on this day with bittersweet memories. It occurred to me today that we have now marked as many birthdays without Noah as we did with him here on earth. Which means that one day very soon we will have spent more days grieving than he lived. I wonder how time can be so harsh...

My little man, I miss you so much and I would give everything to have you here. I will never forget the moment you were heart overflowed with awe and joy. You were beautiful and perfect to me in every way. I was so proud to be your mom.

We sent you balloons today. One blue balloon slipped away as we were getting ready to release them. With disappointment we watched it fly to the heavens, and I couldn't help but think of how your life slipped away so quickly, no matter how I tried to hang on. My selfish heart wants you here with me...I will always long for the life I had with you. But I know you are enjoying a celebration far beyond what I could ever imagine. Happy Birthday precious boy.

Love your mama.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Life Changes

Much has been happening in our lives these days. We spent a wonderful 2 weeks down in Florida. We were able to do some volunteering again at Give Kids The World, which we loved! And Kailyn was able to deliver all of the items she has been collecting to donate. (More to come about that in another post). After our time spent there, we met my sister and her family in Disney and spent a fabulous 9 days at the parks together. We will be heading back down there in November to do some more volunteering and this time try a short Disney cruise. Yes we love that place, but there is more to the story... For some time now, we have been feeling unsettled. Our lives have felt in this "limbo state" for so long and we feel like there is more that we need to be doing. Noah has inspired us to step out of our comfort zone and give make our lives count for something and leave a legacy we can be proud of. After much thought and prayer...many nights of wondering...and waiting on God for guidance, we have come to a major life decision. And since it went public in the paper here on Friday, it is time that I share it here too...

So many wonderful memories are tied up in GKTW. Our hearts will always be a part of that place. There is much that will still need to fall into place for this vision of ours to become a reality, so the articles may be a bit premature. It is exciting and terrifying all at the same time, and we really don't know how, when or even if it will all fall into place. But the paperwork ball is very slowly rolling and we are trusting in His perfect plan and guidance in all of this. I have much more to share about Kailyn and the passion and generous heart she has developed for GKTW, but I will save that for another day, for that deserves a post dedicated just to her. Noah, your life had a purpose and your legacy lives on. I can only hope to live my life with even half of the courage we saw in you. You are my inspiration. Missing you...

Don't forget to read my last blog post and consider donating to the Children's Wish Foundation Walk for Wishes.