8 Months

8 months later and it is still so fresh...so raw. I desperately miss my joy, my sunshine...

Grief is a tidal wave that over takes you,
smashes down upon you with unimaginable force,
sweeps you up into its darkness,
where you tumble and crash against unidentifiable surfaces,
only to be thrown out on an unknown beach, bruised, reshaped...
Grief will make a new person out of you,
if it doesn't kill you in the making.
Stephanie Ericsson I have become quite skilled at putting on the mask. But inside I am still tumbling and crashing...

Held

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
We'd be held

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This is what it means to be held.....

Natalie Grant ~ Held

7 Months

I thought this month perhaps I might feel different...no 29 on the calendar to throw me off. We were able to spend the weekend with friends in Vegas where I was able to laugh like I haven't laughed in a very long time. Definately a good thing. And yet, still it hits me like a ton of bricks, leaving me reeling. I find myself back in that PICU room all over again...feels as if it were yesterday. I ache for my boy...

Don't be mad if I cry

It just hurts so bad sometimes

'Cause everyday it's sinking in

And I have to say goodbye all over again

You know I bet it feels good

To have the weight of this world

Off your shoulders now

I'm dreaming of the day

When I'm finally there with you

Save a place for me, save a place for me

I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon

Save a place for me, save some grace for me

I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon

I have asked the questions why

But I guess the answer's for another time

So instead I'll pray with every tear

And be thankful for the time I had you here

So you just, save a place for me, save a place for me

I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon

Save a place for me, save some grace for me

I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon

I wanna live my life just like you did

And make the most of my time just like you did

And I wanna make my home up in the sky

Just like you did, oh, but until I get there

Until I get there

Just save a place for me, save a place for me

'Cause I will be there soon

Save a place for me, save a place for me

I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon

Don't be mad if I cry

It just hurts so bad

Matthew West - Save A Place for Me