I thought this month perhaps I might feel different...no 29 on the calendar to throw me off. We were able to spend the weekend with friends in Vegas where I was able to laugh like I haven't laughed in a very long time. Definately a good thing. And yet, still it hits me like a ton of bricks, leaving me reeling. I find myself back in that PICU room all over again...feels as if it were yesterday. I ache for my boy...Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good
To have the weight of this world
Off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day
When I'm finally there with you
Save a place for me, save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
Save a place for me, save some grace for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
I have asked the questions why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here
So you just, save a place for me, save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
Save a place for me, save some grace for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
I wanna live my life just like you did
And make the most of my time just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did, oh, but until I get there
Until I get there
Just save a place for me, save a place for me
'Cause I will be there soon
Save a place for me, save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad
Matthew West - Save A Place for Me
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9 comments:
Beautiful words Nichole. So hard to go on. I know that Noah is waiting for you...on that day he will run to you with open arms, saying "mommy, I love you".
I am so glad to hear that you are having some laughter in your days. Noah would totally agree with some time away to renew your strenghts. His smile continues to take my breath away, as I am sure he does for you. He brings an automatic smile to my face and my heart melts. You will one day hold him again and share laughter with him.
It is great to hear that you had a fun weekend! Those yo-yo feelings certainly are understandable and I hope you continue to have more "ups." I regularly go back to the pictures to remember that beaming little face! So precious!
... praying for you Nichole... with love and tears...
Still praying for all of you.
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Hey Nichole! I missed this update. I am so glad that you got away for the weekend.
Still praying for you every day!
Nichole,
Getting away on a trip is stress relieving and you deserve to have fun (I remember doing the same thing and it was Vegas too!)- it's ok to smile and ok to laugh - it doesn't mean you're not remembering Noah and you'll never forget him. Try not to be afraid or feel guilty to feel happy on occasion (or more) - it's all part of the grief journey (also easier said then done). I appreciate the previous blog from the meditation of going through grief. You are doing a wonderful thing with this blog....so many people don't understand the loss or grieving for a child. You have a way with words that expresses it so well and helps teach others empathy and compassion. I am being taught and reminded of so many things from your writings and postings too.
Lots of love and prayers to you as you, Brad and the kids continue this journey.
Anita
I just came by to say I'm still thinking of you guys. Not much time to blog or comment now that we are back form Ethiopia, but had to come here and leave a note. May God continue to carry you and bring His peace and joy into your lives.
Ramona
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