Sunday, May 30, 2010

An Ugly Pair of Shoes

10 Months...

What can I say that hasn't already been said...
Exactly one year ago, I was frantically preparing to leave for Toronto. Our time in Toronto is so closely tied to that last week we spent with Noah. In my mind, it will always feel like the beginning of the end. So there are many memories attached to this month.

At the beginning of the month, we attended the Children's Hospital Memorial service. It was beautifully done and it was so nice to see some familiar faces that we have missed terribly. We were given this poem that has become a favorite of mine and helps put into words this journey of losing a child.

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by
before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author Unknown

Thank you to our wonderful friends for the amazing dinner yesterday evening. Thank you for remembering this day.


Kim said...

Thank you for sharing that poem Nichole. I do not envy your ugly shoes, but I hope that I can provide some salve for your hurting "feet".

Jamie said...

That's such a good picture of grief - the idea that you have to keep stepping forward even though each step hurts.
Thinking of you guys and looking forward to seeing you all soon :)

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Dear Nichole,

Awe, thank you for sharing that poem with us. I can only imagine how painful losing a child is, my heart still breaks for your loss. Please know that you and Noah and the rest of your family are always in my prayers! Big hugs to you!!!!

Beth (aka, MouseTriper)

Anonymous said...

Praying for you and wishing there was some way we could lessen the pain for you. So grateful that God has given you such good friends. Love, Mom L.

Anonymous said...

I thank you for sharing this poem...... You don't know me but we do share a friend and the other day I was in line in front of you at the grocery store. I was with my kids and your kids were with you, I so wanted to introduce myself to you,I had really bad day fighting with my three, and when I saw you,I didn't know what to say, I couldn't help but get a knot stuck in my stomach, because you see, you and your Noah have changed my life forever, I have been following your blog for over a year, and I have learned to appreciate and not take my children for granted, I have learned to slow down, because what is here today, may be gone tomorrow,as you know all too well....I continue to pray for you and your family, your Noah didn't die in vain, he continues to touch many peoples lives each day♥

Maroo said...

Just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you guys today.

I love the poem...but hate it at the same time...I don't suppose that makes much sense. I just wish we could get rid of that shoe size!

Love you guys! Hang in there!!!

Patty said...

I think there should be a way to get a refund for those shoes...! I never went shopping for them in the first place.

Thank you fro sharing the poem Nichole, there was a lot of truth in it. Hard to believe it's been 10 months.... Monday is 5 months for us. I just want time to stop.

kimmylaj said...

thinking of you and your family, you continue to be in my prayers

kimmylaj said...

thinking of you. i continue to pray for your family and think of your precious sweet noah.hugs