Sunday, May 09, 2010

Mothers Day

What to do with this holiday...a holiday that celebrates motherhood...where everywhere you look, there are reminders of what can no longer be.


This holiday has kind of creeped up on me, but now that it is here, I can't help feeling so very lost and so very, very empty.

In my googling last night, I came across this interesting tidbit..."in the US, Mother’s Day started with a proclamation written by Julia Ward Howe. She called for a gathering of women to mourn the sons killed in the civil war and protest the futility of “their sons killing the sons of other mothers”. It wasn’t until 1962 that it became the hallmark celebration of commercialization that we have today." Somehow it made me feel better to read this...to know that this very commercialized holiday began like this...with mothers, like myself, gathering together, mourning the loss of their sons. I appreciate that it has grown into a day to honour mothers, but a day such as this also brings with it much sorrow to so many of us.



Today, I think of my own mother. I am so very thankful for her and for the support she has been to us all during these past years. I love you Mom!!


I think of my friends, and the wonderful mothers that I am privileged to know, and how I often marvel at their "supermom" skills.


But most of all today, I think of those who, like myself, woke up this morning unsure of what to do with this day...with the bittersweet experience of celebrating motherhood with their children...yet at the same time, mourning the loss of being able to mother all of our children here on earth.


I miss my little Noah...


I miss being known as "Noah's mom"...


I miss everything that being Noah's mom encompassed.


I hate that I am no longer able to do the job of mothering my boy here on earth, but in my heart, I will always be "Noah's mom". And no one can ever take that away from me.


So on this day, when it just plain hurts to do anything else, I will choose not to focus on what could have been. Instead, I choose to focus on the incredible gift I was given in mothering this beautiful child. I marvel that I was chosen for this task, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat...for that's just what mom's do. And I mourn for those who will never in their lifetime experience a joy such as our Noah.

14 comments:

The Keowns said...

praying for you today!
happy mothers day! hope you had a good relaxing vacation.

Maroo said...

Praying for you today!

And I will always know you as Noah's Mom. And Joshua's and Kailyn's. Forever.

We r praying for u all!!

Anonymous said...

No one can take away the pain you feel today. You have loved and lost a child. You have 2 beautiful children in your life. But that will never remove the constant ache you have for the one who is gone from your world.
I have never had a child, I have never been married. I do not have, nor have ever had a relationship with my mother. this day is very painful for me too. As I ache for what never was. And watch all those around me bask in the blessings of love and life and relationships in their lives.

Anonymous said...

Nichole, I'm so sorry for the pain a day like this causes you. You're on my mind and heart today.
Heather

Amber Greenawalt said...

Holding you in my heart in prayer today Nichole. (((hugs)))

The Hines Family said...

My first Mother's Day without Zeke was one of the hardest days of my life. Praying for you today....

Anonymous said...

Standing in church, singing, "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord....You comfort those who..." (can't remember all the words) the thought hit me that this is Nichole's first Mother's Day after Noah left this earth. What a difficult day it would be for her! Thank God for the years that Noah was here and thank God for Kailyn and Joshua. Praying for God to strengthen those who like you, Nichole, have a difficult time celebrating Mothers' Day. Mom L.

kaaye said...

Forever a mom to 3. as I am a mom to 4....always and forever
My love to you

Jamie said...

I am so very thankful for you too, and it is always a privelege for me to be there as a support. I thought of you lots yesterday, and know how much you miss Noah. I hope you were still able to spend the day with Josh and Kailyn and Brad in a joyous way. I admired you when Noah was here, as such an incredible woman of faith, strength and courage, and I admire you today. Many would have buckled under the stress of having a special needs child, and being in hospital so much, but you did what you knew you had to do, to be there for your son, and to give him the best quality of life that he could ever experience. You remain that woman of courage today. Although life is hard and difficult, you have chosen not to walk in defeat, and to continue being an incredible mom. You were the best mom Noah could have ever had, and you and Brad did your jobs well. Sometimes heaven seems so distant, and so far away, and yet, because of Jesus, we know Noah is waiting, and we will all see him again. Love you...Mom

Patty said...

What a mixed bag of emotions yesterday was and I understand. So thankful for our kids that are in our presence yet longing for the one who isn't. I'm walking that path right along with you and praying for you.

Linda said...

((((hugs))))

kimmylaj said...

i was just thinking of you and wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers daily.

kimmylaj said...

i was just thinking of you and wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers daily.

Anonymous said...

Dear Nichole,
I think about the priveledge of being a mother as I'm not one of them. You are a mother to two beautiful children who are alive and well. I think of a mother in our church who buried two teenage children exactly one year apart. I think of my cousin who has had 6 miscarriages in her past, and I think of my grandma Friesen who lost 4 children in one week, ages 2-5, from an diptheria epedemic in the early 1900's. I think of my foster child in Thailand who I've seen grow up from age5-15 and the struggles they have every day, to keep the family fed. I support him so he and other children can go to school.
I bless every mom that is going through hard times today. Your mom has a cousin in Abbottsford who is 21 and dying of cancer.
I pray to every mom and remind them of the priveledge of being a mom.
Love you always. I miss you all.
auntie Bertha