One Month

Today marks one month since we lost our Noah, although it feels like yesterday. We are all so very lost...the reality that Noah is really gone sinks in a bit more each day. I have tried to write this post many times over this morning, but my words are all a jumbled mess and it's hard to see through the tears. There is no way to accurately describe what I am feeling...what we are all feeling. "How are you?" is the question we get asked a million times over. How can we ever answer that question? Usually we give the pat "I'm ok" answer. But the truth...the truth is that, no, we are not ok...I can't imagine ever being ok again. Everyday is a huge challenge...everyday there are more reminders, more things that we miss. How can we be ok when a huge piece of our hearts was ripped out and buried deep in the ground?

Our whole world crumbled in a moment and yet life continues on around us as if nothing has changed. The sun still rises, the birds still sing, plans are still made.

Life goes on.

But for us, life will never be the same. We've heard some comments that now our lives can get back to "normal". I have to chuckle at that. The thing is, that the past 4 years was our normal. Yes, it was a precarious life, a life that was not envied by others. But we were good at that life. We loved that life. We learned how to roll with the punches, how to cope in the busyness. We'd do it all and more in a heartbeat, just to have our Noah back. For we got back SO much more than we ever gave. I hate our new normal...that this is now our reality. That our sunny little boy, who never held back his unconditional love, ceases to exist here on earth.

Yes, life goes on.

But for us, it will never be as full, as bright as it was with Noah.

"You keep track of all my sorrows.

You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

You have recorded each one in your book."

Psalm 56:8

Thank you

How to even begin to say thank you. There are so many of you who have been so thoughtful in the past three weeks. Please forgive me for not getting out thank you cards. I have neither the energy or motivation these days. So I hope you will all accept this post as my thank you.

Thank you for the many cards, emails and gifts we have recieved and for your words of sympathy.

Thank you for the flowers and plants that have been sent. They have brightened up our home.

Thank you for the meals and treats that have shown up at our door. They have helped so much on those days when it is hard enough just to get out of bed.

Thank you to those who have given Kailyn & Joshua gifts and made sure they feel loved and cared for.

Thank you to those of you who helped with Noah's funeral:

Thank you to our small group for taking care of many details.

Thank you Erin for the beautiful slide shows and pictures.

Thank you Dads for being pallbearers.

Thank you to all of you who had a part in the beautiful music for the service (Noah would have loved it!).

Thank you Ray and Ruth for your parts in the service.

Thank you Hilda for the beautiful tribute.

Thank you Doris for reading the obituary and also for your beautiful tribute.

Thank you Eric and Becky for reading scripture.

Thank you to those of you who prepared and served the food.

Thank you to Sysco for your generous donation of food for the funeral.

Thank you to the ushers, the VPU and for babysitting in the nursery.

Thank you to everyone who joined us that day in celebrating Noah's beautiful life.

Thank you for those very special people who have spent much time at our home during the past weeks. Thank you for being here and listening, even when you don't know what to say. You know who you are.

Thank you to all the staff at Children's Hospital who have taken such wonderful care of our family over the past 4 years. Thank you to Doris and Nicole for taking such fantastic care of Noah at home. We have grown to love our hospital family and we will miss you all so very much.

Thank you to the staff at Toronto Sick Kids for your wonderful care in Noah's last few weeks.

Thank you for all your generous donations made in Noah's name.

Thank you to our online friends who have been fundraising in Noah's honour. Noah will have an engraved paving stone on the Avenue of Angels at Give Kids the World that we can one day go and see. So much money was raised that other children who have passed away will also recieve this very special gift.

Most of all thank you for all your prayers. They are what sustains us in these very lonely days.

Saying Goodbye

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;

He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

Psalm 34:18

Thank you Erin for capturing these beautiful memories for us. They are a treasure.

Balloon Release

"...And with your final heartbeat

Kiss the world goodbye

Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side,

and Fly to Jesus

Fly to Jesus

Fly to Jesus and live!"

Chris Rice ~ Come to Jesus

The Weight of You

There is a hole the size of the grand canyon in our home and our hearts. The "why"s, "what if"s, "should have"s and "could have"s never end. It hurts to breathe...

So much that I miss...

I miss your sweet disposition...the sunshine in our days...the way your eyes would disappear when you smiled...watching you bum scoot down the hall...untangling your tubes for the millionth time each day...picking up the tupperware left in your wake...hooking up your pumps every night...the smell of your hair just freshly washed.

I miss the sounds of you...your belly laugh...hearing you call out "mama"...your cry...the sound of your bucket trailing after you...the soothing sounds of pumps..the harsh middle of the night beeps...the gentle swoosh of the oxygen concentrator.

But it's the weight of you that I miss the most. I can look at pictures...I can listen to the videos of your laughter...I can still smell you in the last sleeper you ever wore...I can even still turn on the pumps for a moment, just to hear their familiar sounds. But my mind can no longer conjure up the weight of you. The feel of you in my arms...your tiny hands clinging to my shirt as I carry you.

I miss you.

Memories

This first video was played during the service on tuesday, and the second video was played at the end of the service, as we (the family) said our final goodbyes to Noah. Thank you so much Erin...we will treasure these always.

Desperately missing you, sweet Noah, more than words could ever say...

Obituary

Jesus opened wide his arms to welcome a special little one home. Noah Grant John Loewen was sent to us from heaven on September 21, 2005 in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Born with a rare genetic disorder, chromosome 12q deletion, Noah’s life was not easy. Noah spent much of his time in Winnipeg Children’s Hospital, although his family did everything they could to make sure Noah spent as much time at home as possible. Despite the many medical challenges, pain and frustrations, Noah was a delightful child with a happy disposition and a smile that could light up any room. He managed to charm everyone he met, and forever changed the lives of those he touched. Music was a huge part of Noah’s life and never failed to bring a smile to his face. He will be fondly remembered banging on his drum and strumming his ukulele.

In early spring of 2009, Noah was granted a very special wish through the Children’s Wish Foundation. He was able to travel to Disney World with his family to meet his favourite character, Tigger, and stay at Give Kids the World. This was a wonderful time of memory making and moments that the family will treasure always.

Noah spent most of his last few weeks in Toronto at Sick Kids being treated for intestinal failure, where many others were touched by his sweet sunny disposition. In early July, he returned home and was able to spend his final days at the lake, enjoying his Grandparent’s cabin.

On Monday, July 27th, 2009, Noah was admitted to Children’s Hospital and thus began a rapid decline. After his very courageous battle, Noah’s little body was tired. On Wednesday, July 29th, 2009, surrounded by love, Noah was received into the arms of the Father.

He leaves behind to treasure his memory, his father, Brad, his mother, Nichole, his sister Kailyn, his brother Joshua, Grandparents, one Great Grandmother, many aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. Donations can be made to the Children’s Hospital Foundation of Manitoba or to Give Kids The World.

Noah's Last Week

Noah Grant John Loewen

September 21, 2005 - July 29, 2009

Funeral service will be held on Tuesday, August 4, 2009 at 2:30pm

Fort Garry MB Church1771 Pembina Hwy, Winnipeg, MB

Donations can be made to Childrens Hospital Foundation of Manitoba or to Give Kids The World

Fly to Jesus, sweet baby boy...